Monday, March 21, 2011

Taboo

Ok sometimes people don't like to talk about stuff like this but I am going to share my story.
It all started a month ago or so...
When David leaves in the morning I usually end up pulling James into bed with me and he likes it and sleeps better if I am holding his hand.
One morning I got that paralyzed feeling where you try to wake up but you can't and you try to scream but nothing comes out... I hate those! But this happened almost every morning. And every time it almost felt like "something" was trying to pull James away from me. All I could do was say (of course I'm paralyzed so I can't talk) no you can't take him no you can't take him. They only way I could ever get it to stop was to start praying!
I always forgot about it during the day so never really said anything to David. But one morning this was happening and I was "screaming" and pray telling "it" to GET OUT! When I heard a voice in my head say "thats ok we are coming for you too" OK now I am scared beyond all belief and this time I didn't forget!
I called David and told him he was going to bless our home and do a priesthood blessing on the house!
When he did this I felt so much "lighter" (do you know what I'm talking about?) and it hasn't happened since. I am so thankful that my husband has the priesthood and was able to do this.
I feel safe and I know James is safe.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Alone

Ok so this is just how I feel sometimes, and when I say sometimes I mean like once every blue moon. I really don't want the readers to get the wrong idea, or get offended, etc. ya know?

I just feel really alone sometimes and like the outcast and I have always been the outcast. The first time I can actually remember being left out was in elementary school. I was hanging out and talking with some girls I thought were my friends and we all decided to go to the bathroom like girls do, and when we got in there they asked me a question as we were all going into our stalls, but when I finished and no one answered I stepped out and found out that they had ditched me in there. I was so hurt and went and hid and cried the rest of the recess.
In middle school I had friends and even went to parties but I was always the last person to find out and was always invited as almost a pity invite. I even had a really good friend and then introduced her to another friend and now they are best friends and barley remember who I am.
In high school I was on the Varsity Lacrosse team, so you would think that I had a lot of friends but again I had no one. They somehow forgot to tell me when team nights were and other events like that.
Then we moved to St. George and I was not going to be pushed aside I was going to be bold and just put myself out there. So my very first class of my very first day of school I sit down and turn to the girl behind me and say with a big smile "Hi my name is Megan and I just moved from California!" and her response was "That's nice" and then rolls her eyes and starts talking to some girl who just sat down. I wanted to cry! I wanted to just get up and leave and never come back.
When I went to DSC I moved out but still lived in town and I thought living on my own was going to be great! But after about 3 months there 2 of the girls came up to me and said ya know there is a place across the street that was opening up and I could move there. What did I do! I was clean I did my chores on the chore chart and I was almost never home to "bug" anyone because I was working 2 jobs and was going to college! What did I do!
I'm even alone in my own family! My brother well he's a boy and doesn't really get it, but my sister was always cold to me, she never wanted to admit that I was her sister (this is even before I got into my "crazy" years) I always seemed to be a disappointment.
Once I got into my "crazy" years there was a point where my mother was actually going to ship me off to live with one of my aunts because I was too much of an embarrassment!
My own aunts and uncles seem to be a little cold towards me at times. I'm trying to fit in but they all kinda give me this "whatever" vibe.
Then I went to China. I knew I was completely alone now though. I was going with a new slate no one knew who I was or where I came from but that didn't matter I was going to have a great experience right? Well that first day when we were all introducing ourselves again all I was getting was that's nice, that's nice...my own roommate was cold to me. I guess it was because I really didn't have any other choice but I kinda just forced myself upon these girls and then we became really good friends. But I again am the after thought now that we are all back, some of these girls still talk every day.

Then the best thing ever happened to me! I married David and I love him more then anything!
But ya know after awhile you just need a girlfriend to talk to and hang out with. But guess what I had no one to turn to. Sure I had an acquaintance or two but no one really stuck around.
We were in our young married couple ward for 2 years, we even sang in church but every single week the same people came up and asked if we were new. We decided to leave the ward when it was time for the Christmas party and we got there (early) and sat at an empty table in the middle and as everyone filed in no one sat with us! finally one couple came and sat down (because it was the last seat). A few minutes later a girl from a nearby table comes over and introduces her self to this girl and says she was new to the ward and just wanted to meet new people, talks with her for 5 minutes then looks at me gives me the "nod" then skips off to another table to introduce herself to them. I went home and cried.

Now we are in a new ward and that first Sunday was great! I finally felt accepted in a ward! The I got put on bed rest and everyone forgot about me. When I was finally able to go back it wasn't bad but I still feel like the afterthought. I even suggested something and everyone said well I don't know.... then 10 minutes later someone else suggests the exact same and all of a sudden it's the greatest thing ever!

What am I doing wrong! I think I'm "normal". At least I don't think I act crazy. I like the same things everyone else does, I do the same things. Why don't I have any friends? Everyone else seems to have someone they can call on and go have a girls night. But I'm stuck at home with just my husband (who I love). I even learned from past mistakes, I don't talk too much, I don't share TMI, I act happy and out going, I don't try and "correct" people...
But I'm always the girl who doesn't get invited.
What is wrong with me!
I'll always be the girl waiting to be invited...



Poem I wrote awhile ago that still kinda fits

Friday, March 18, 2011

St. Patricks Day

St. Patricks day was so much fun. David only had to work a half day and my parents came into town too. I just cooked and cooked all day (which I love to do!)
We had Cornedbeef, red potatoes, asparagus, irish soda bread, irish apple cheese scones, green jello, and sparking limeade.
And then for dessert I made the Black Shamrock cheesecake posted below and then mint ice cream (which no one had because the cheesecake was so rich)
And James was my little leprechaun!
Oh and I made this for our door. I think it is cute

Black Shamrock Cheesecake

Oh my goodness this was amazing!!! (and still is!)
I got this recipe from Studio 5. But here is what I did!


Crust:
7-8 oreo cookies
Crushed in food processor. Make a thin crust at the bottom of a springform pan.

Filling:
7oz 85% dark chocolate melted (I used Lindt)
3 8oz packages of cream cheese at room temp
3 Tbl Cocoa (Dutch Processed)
3/4 C + 1 Tbl sugar
3 Tbl Irish Cream Syrup (I ended up using about 4 or 5 Tbl)
3 eggs

Mix sugar and cocoa together in a small bowl. In a mixing bowl beat cream cheese till smooth. Mix in Cocoa/Sugar blend, add syrup, blend, add melted chocolate, blend, add eggs (that have been mixed a little), Blend well.
Pour into pan and bake for 1hour at 350. Cool completely

Ganache:
3 oz 85% chocolate
1/2 cup whipping cream
1 Tbl Irish Cream syrup (again it was about 2-3 Tbl)

In a small saucepan heat cream, add chocolate and stir till smooth then add syrup.
Poor over cooled cheesecake

Whipped cream:
1 1/2 cups whipping cream
1/4 - 1/2 cup powdered sugar
2 Tbl Irish Cream syrup (or 3-5)

Beat until soft peaks form
This was really amazing and everyone loved it!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Roberts Crafts

Check out these awesome cards from Roberts Crafts!
Super cute!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Us

Stole this from a friends blog...

When is your engagement anniversary?:

March 22, 2008

When is your marriage anniversary?:

May 31, 2008

How long have you known your spouse?:

We met Feb 10, 2008

How long did you date/court before you were engaged?:

About 2 weeks

Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?:

Our singles ward

What is your spouse's full name?:

David Clifford Andrus Jr.

Do you have any children?:

1

How many - boys/girls:

1 boy James!

Do you have any house pets?:

Our dog Fry (Phillip J. Fry)

Do you own a house or rent?:

Rent from Davids parents

What is one of your favorite activities to do together?:

Watch a movie, play a video game, go grocery shopping

Do you have a favorite vacation spot?:
Lava Hot Springs!

How many siblings (including in-laws) do you have?:
3

What church do you attend?:

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Is this the church you were married in?:

We were married in the Jordan River Temple

Where did you go on your honeymoon?:

Disney World


Who drives when you go out together?:

David

How long have you been together?:

Almost 3 years

Who asked who out?:

I manipulated David into thinking he was asking me out

How old are each of you?:

I'm 24 he is 29

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?:

We really don't have hard situations,... I guess money? sometimes

Who is smarter?:

Both in different ways

Where do you eat out most as a couple?:
Chili's

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?:

Hawaii

Who has the craziest exes?:

Me (not proud of this)

Who has the worse temper?:

Me...

Who does the cooking?

Me! I get stressed when David is cooking (he does it wrong!)

Who is more social?:

neither, but if I had to pick one, Me

Who is the neat-freak?:

David more so then me

Who is the more stubborn?:

Me


Who wakes up earlier?:

David

Where was your first date?:

To Wiseguys to see Emo Phillips on Valentines Day

Do you get flowers often?:

Not really

How long did it take to get serious?:

like the second date

Who eats more?:

David

Who does the laundry?:

Me

Leave a piece of advice for the other couples:

Always say I love you even if you're having a bad day.